


And we'll take it slow( and grow as we go)

by holdmybread



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Sad Lee Minho | Lee Know, Suicide Attempt, marriage proposals, please don't read if you might get triggered
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:20:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29022597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holdmybread/pseuds/holdmybread
Summary: 7 times Jisung suggests marriage.Russian translation here(by @bcrch97, tysm for the wonderful translation<3)
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 11
Kudos: 98





	And we'll take it slow( and grow as we go)

i

The first time Jisung suggests marriage to Minho, they're seven and nine. Minho laughs, but being 9, and so much older and wiser than his counterpart, he declines.

"Why not?", Jisung asks, his sparkly round eyes filling with tears.

"You're too young", Minho says,"You're not as smart as me yet. I can't marry a 2nd grader. You wouldn't understand what I talk about when I say how my day was. You have to wait until fourth grade."

Jisung nods and understands. He makes the elder pinky promise to wait for him, and they keep playing Star Wars.

ii

The second time Jisung suggests marriage to Minho, he's 9 and Minho is 11. By this time though, Minho has understood: boys can't marry boys.

He's watched his mother rage against the two men who live across the street, watched her call them faggots and retards and a whole bunch of other words. When Minho called a boy at his school one of them, he got detention. He understands that loving a boy is something undesirable, something dirty.

He pushes Jisung away from him as soon as it's suggested.

"Boys can't marry boys", he spits,"Or are you a faggot?"

Jisung bursts into tears and Minho feels bad.

"But- but mom says that I can marry whoever I want", Jisung cries.

Minho knows Jisung's mother. She's almost as great as his own, she makes cookies for the two of them and helped them learn about whales when they had a sea creature loving phase. 

He decides she must be wrong about this one thing.

"She lied", he says dejectedly,"I'm sorry. Boys can't marry boys."

Jisung nods. He understands.

"Ok. Can we keep playing with your legos?"

Minho doesn't know what else to say, so he nods and the two spend the rest of the day playing legos.

iii

The third time Jisung suggests marriage to Minho, it's accidental.

They're 11 and 13, and tinkering with the science kit Jisung got for Christmas.

Jisung is playing with fire, melting things and checking for chemical reactions.

Minho is fooling around with the chemicals and the colors, trying to stop thinking about his classmate and his slight jawline.

The thoughts haunt him, chasing him down, the fact that he can't stop thinking about the classmate. He feels disgusted at himself. But with Jisung, the thoughts are easier to keep at bay.

Thoughtlessly, he reaches toward the scissors Jisung has set down.

Pain shoots through his fingers when he grips them, burning his fingers instantly.

But he can't let go of them, flesh smoldering. A part of him thinks he deserves it, it's karma, for the bad thoughts.

He hears Jisung cry out.

An hour later, they're sitting side by side in the emergency room as the doctor gives him burn medicine.

"The scars will stay for a long time", he warns.

Jisung swallows.

"Minho, I'm so sorry", he says, tears in his eyes.

Minho jerks his head.

"It's fine", he says, keeping an eye out for his parents. They're picking them up. He hopes they won't be mad.

Jisung laughs weakly.

"Looks like you have a ring from me after all, Minho", he says through tears.

Minho needs a moment to understand, then shakes his head insistently.

"No, no I don't."

"So you still won't marry me?", Jisung needles. Minho's not sure why Jisung is bringing it up.

"Boys can't marry boys, how many times do I have to tell you", he growls, shoving Jisung away again.

"But- it's legal now."

Oh, Minho knows. His parents raged the entire night when it became legal.

"No. It's still unnatural. It's disgusting."

"Oh."

Jisung's voice is quiet, shallow. He understands.

He doesn't speak another word to Minho, not even when Minho's parents come in, worried beyond belief, and hug and kiss their son.

They don't blame Jisung, they tell the smaller boy immediately. It's not his fault, it's an accident.

Jisung just nods, looking at the floor.

iv

The fourth time Jisung suggests marriage to Minho, he's 14 to Minho's 16.

Minho is standing on the roof of a multistory parking garage, trying to gather the courage to jump. Jisung found his letter too soon.

"Minho, please don't", he calls out, tears streaming down his face.

Minho doesn't turn.

"Why not? I can never find love. I'm a faggot", Minho spits out.

No matter what he does, he can't interest himself in his girlfriend. He can't stop thinking about his classmate's muscles, about his jawline, about Jisung's body, filled out and no longer as slight. He's unnatural. He's disgusting.

"You're gay?", Jisung sounds incredulous. Minho exhales and turns his head to his friend.

"Yeah", he spits out, admitting it to someone for the first time out loud. He wonders whether Jisung will turn away from him now.

"That's ok, that's ok", Jisung says, holding out his hands,"So am I."

"Then you should kill yourself too", Minho says without thinking,"It's disgusting."

Jisung swallows hard, but doesn't turn away, instead inching toward Minho, his hands out, open to take.

"No", he says softly,"no it's not."

And Minho bursts into tears.

He doesn't mean what he said. Jisung should never kill himself. Jisung is too good for this world.

"I'm sorry", he tells the younger,"I didn't mean that. About you killing yourself, I mean. I'm sorry."

"It's ok, it's ok", Jisung says quietly,"Take my hand. Please, Minho, step away from the ledge."

Minho stares at his best friend. And steps toward him.

Jisung exhales deeply when he has him safe in his arms. They sink to the floor, hugging tightly.

"I'm sorry", Minho cries,"I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's ok", Jisung soothes, takes the hand with the two ringed scars,"But don't kill yourself. Who else am I supposed to marry?"

Minho sniffs.

"A girl", he says, but it sounds pathetic even to himself.

"You know what?", Jisung says gently,"We're going to go and ask my mother to set up a therapist appointment. And tomorrow, we're going to meet the Bangs. They're the gay couple from across the street. Is that ok?"

Minho nods. Right now, he'll do anything Jisung asks.

v

The fifth time Jisung suggests marriage to Minho, they're 17 and 19, and Minho is preparing to come out to his parents.

He's panicking already, knowing that he will be kicked out after this, but also knowing he has to do this. The two boys already moved most of Minho's stuff to Jisung's place. He'll go to college in the fall, having saved some money from an after school job at a nearby deli.

Jisung holds his hand while walking there, and as he rings the doorbell, Jisung whispers to him.

"Hey, it's ok. If they're not accepting, we'll be our own family eventually, you'll see. If you want to, that is"

Minho squeezes his hand with his own. The scars faded a year ago, but he knows precisely how Jisung means the words.

It goes quite predictably, a lot of screaming and crying and almost getting physical, and Minho is unbelievably grateful to Jisung for being there.

Afterwards, he pulls his boyfriend in for a kiss in front of his house. He's being petty, and he's sad, because he hoped that his parents would love their son anyway. But he understands. People can't change unless they want to.

vi

The sixth time Jisung suggests marriage to Minho, he's 19 and in his first year of college.

Minho and Jisung are watching a movie, marvel, and Minho is laughing at the witty banter. There's a shell of popcorn stuck between his teeth, and he's in sweatpants and a loose hoodie. Jisung doesn't think he's ever seen anyone more beautiful.

He tells Minho so, and the elder throws popcorn at him for being so cheesy.

"I want to marry you", Jisung says quietly,"be yours forever."

Minho, to his credit, doesn't shove Jisung away the way he used to. He just smiles, and points at the movie. He's come so far, Jisung thinks proudly.

"Can we watch the movie?"

Jisung hopes Minho can get over his internalized hatred enough to understand that Jisung isn't joking.

vii

The seventh time Jisung suggests marriage to Minho, he's 21 and he's never been more sure of anything in his life.

They've been discussing things close to the topic for months, how many kids they want to adopt and where they want to live, if they want to travel first or settle down.

So when Jisung sinks on one knee, holding up the ring to the love of his life, it feels like a natural next step.

Minho bursts into tears in the restaurant, and Jisung almost curses because he promised himself he would stop making Minho cry with his proposals.

But then Minho nods.

The other patrons cheer, but for Jisung, they're background noises as he slips the ring onto Minho's finger. Minho smiles, because he now has a ring from Jisung again. And this one doesn't hurt.


End file.
